Polite Excuses
“Deciding that someone else’s face should be saved is an act of mistrust of the other person’s capacities.”
– Chris Argyris
confront
Prime Self-Directive
In the Agile community, many people have heard of the Prime Directive promulgated by Norm Kerth in his book Project Retrospectives: “Regardless of what we discover, we understand and truly believe that everyone did the best job they could, given what they knew at the time, their skills and abilities, the resources available, and the … Read more
The Hook
The part of you that didn’t like that feeling learned a lesson. You now look for anything that might be about to get you like that again, and unconsciously work to escape.
The truth is that hook you swallowed back then is harming you again and again now.
And there’s no truth behind the hook in the first place.
Resistance to Commitment
Do you resist committing to change? Instead of making specific goals, do you promise yourself you’ll “get better about going to the gym”? Or “speak up more in planning meetings”? Vague intentions are safe. They leave up to question what actually meets the standard, and that standard is negotiable. You can “meet” the standard when … Read more
The ‘You’ Voice
The voice you hear in your head saying “You should” isn’t yours.
It doesn’t come from you, it’s a replay of someone else’s message.
Which is why you’re such a jerk to yourself sometimes. Because that replay doesn’t care about you.
Don’t Want To
You stay stuck when you’re not fairly and clearly considering the two conflicting or competing wants. If you treat one of those wants as “morally bad” or “weak,” you’ll stay stuck because you’re not facing the belief that’s causing you pain.
Freedom from Choice
Freedom of choiceIs what you gotFreedom from choiceIs what you want — Devo Heard (or said) any of those recently? And plenty of things like them? That’s a lot of coping happening. That’s the sound of externalizing ownership of actions. Something or someone is “making” your choice for you. Always You always have the power … Read more
Bigger than Any Problem
You are bigger than any problem that occurs in your life. There are a lot of problems that don’t feel that way. Problems that feel as big as the world, sometimes. How can you really be bigger than all that mess? What’s the real problem? You, like most humans, make space in your head for … Read more
Feelings
You have feelings; feelings of happiness, joy, contentment, exuberance, peace, love. Also fear, anxiety, stress, irritation, anger, resentment, tiredness, grief, isolation. Which of those groups did you welcome, and think positively of? Which of those groups did you dislike, and probably shame yourself about having? Feelings Simply Are “Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they … Read more
Intention and Confront
You’ve read tons of things about goals and Intention. There’s good reason for that – conscious Intention is a powerful force. Nothing gets done without Intention. And Yet What is the value of Intention that takes you away from what you really want? Or of Intentions that help you complete low-value things? You’ve probably had … Read more