Stop Coping, Start Growing and Thriving
Find yourself catastrophizing and coping when you are faced with an upset or problem? Find yourself looking at all the ways things can go wrong? Jump to the worst possible outcomes, regardless of how likely or unlikely they might be? How This Shows Up Screw up at work and immediately focus on being fired? Get … Read more
What is a problem? Something happens – you miss a light and have to wait. Your boss criticizes your work. Your partner complains that you never pick up your socks. A tree falls onto your apartment or house. What’s the problem? Is it the event, or the impact the event has on your reality? The … Read more
“Deciding that someone else’s face should be saved is an act of mistrust of the other person’s capacities.”
– Chris Argyris
Coping is protesting reality and being trapped in the past. The mental states described in The Responsibility Process® reveal this. Laying Blame is a protest that your current reality isn’t fair. Someone else did this, or caused it, or took your credit. They have to fix it because it didn’t turn out how you wanted … Read more
“I’m feeling that feeling in my shoulders, like I’m hunching inwards. That means part of me is worried about being shamed. Do I think that being shamed is really likely, or is that letting history take over? Do I want to speak up more than I want to protect from the possibility of shame?”
How many times have you wished you were more patient? Or regretted acting in reaction to something, not response? First, congratulations on being human. You, like everyone, live in a world that rewards and reinforces speed and rapid action – provided it’s the “right” action. It can be amazing to see someone make a momentous … Read more
Big changes often come with “marching orders” and “because I said so.” Get past that to unlock important context.
Your attachment to roadmaps, plans, and milestones creates most of the stress around large projects. Break the attachment habit.
Freedom of choiceIs what you gotFreedom from choiceIs what you want — Devo Heard (or said) any of those recently? And plenty of things like them? That’s a lot of coping happening. That’s the sound of externalizing ownership of actions. Something or someone is “making” your choice for you. Always You always have the power … Read more
You are bigger than any problem that occurs in your life. There are a lot of problems that don’t feel that way. Problems that feel as big as the world, sometimes. How can you really be bigger than all that mess? What’s the real problem? You, like most humans, make space in your head for … Read more