Stop Coping, Start Growing and Thriving
Find yourself catastrophizing and coping when you are faced with an upset or problem? Find yourself looking at all the ways things can go wrong? Jump to the worst possible outcomes, regardless of how likely or unlikely they might be? How This Shows Up Screw up at work and immediately focus on being fired? Get … Read more
One hurdle that people learning to practice Responsibility stumble on is the feeling that taking 100% Ownership means “being at fault.” You’re conditioned by cultural norms and past experiences to believe in “justice” as an assignment of fault and consequences: These structures and programs reinforce your natural coping strategies of Lay Blame, Justify, Shame, and … Read more
What’s the difference between “acting responsible” and being Responsible? Ownership. 100%. It’s about your actions being 100% your full and free choice, or being made to meet an external standard that lets you give ownership away. “Acting Responsible” “Acting” responsible is often “doing the right thing.” According to what standard? Who’s making the call on … Read more
There is no “You must be this tall to ride this ride” requirement for Responsibility. No apprenticeship. No “dues.” 10,000 hours not mandatory. You’ve already had many moments in your life where you’ve operated from the mental position of Responsibility. You may not have called it by that name. You faced a problem, you looked … Read more
How people talk about problems reinforces coping, not solving and growing. Consider: “My car broke down, so now I have to deal with that.” That’s pretty common language. And it’s not “wrong” or “bad.” It encourages reacting to that situation – All of these are you “at effect.” Something happens to you, and you’re the … Read more
There’s always an opportunity, a chance to “change your life,” a hot new thing. Many of those are exploiting your desire to have pain stop, or have a simple solution to all your problems. Focusing on “making things stop” is a coping strategy. Your brain and energy get anchored to thinking about the thing you … Read more
What is a problem? Something happens – you miss a light and have to wait. Your boss criticizes your work. Your partner complains that you never pick up your socks. A tree falls onto your apartment or house. What’s the problem? Is it the event, or the impact the event has on your reality? The … Read more
“Deciding that someone else’s face should be saved is an act of mistrust of the other person’s capacities.”
– Chris Argyris
Coping is protesting reality and being trapped in the past. The mental states described in The Responsibility Process® reveal this. Laying Blame is a protest that your current reality isn’t fair. Someone else did this, or caused it, or took your credit. They have to fix it because it didn’t turn out how you wanted … Read more
You carry a dangerous belief with you. One that impacts everything you do. You learned it growing up, at school, at home, around peers. With it, you take feel more anxious, risk less, and speak less. What is it? Wrong “Wrong” gets used too often. It’s a shorthand for “incorrect,” “mistake,” “moral failure.” Your brain … Read more