First, let me say that all of the content, concepts, and practices only work when self-applied. I will not and cannot “make you” stop coping. As they say, only you can do the push-ups.
You make the choice to cope or not, over and over, every time there’s an upset, problem, or issue in your life. You can impact your ability to choose via The Responsibility Process®.
What I can and will do as your coach is support your Intention to stop coping. My knowledge, skills, and experience in doing so myself and of working with others who have done so are here for you.
I will help you develop your Awareness of your mental states, and your ability to Confront reality and face what is, rather than what you wish were real.
Why you feel like coping is your choice is unique to the circumstances of that upset. Developing your Confront, your ability to face reality and be clear about your wants, grows your ability to identify different choices that solve your real problem.
No more soothing the feelings and being stuck with a problem that just comes back again and again.
Coping in Action
Every day, you think of an action you want to do. Then, you have an uncomfortable thought or more likely feeling.
You’ve learned to sense that feeling before even becoming conscious of it, and that discomfort or anxiety pushes you to look for a way to deal with the upset.
That path to deal with the feeling of upset happens most of the time before you’re even aware.
It happens because you’re stuck between wants. What wants? The action you thought of that you want to take, and some other belief you’ve embraced so deeply that you’re not really aware of it any longer.
Beliefs like “don’t rock the boat” or “I’m not an idea person, that’s for other people.” Or maybe “I got in trouble the last time I tried to suggest something to my boss, better not do that again.”
What happens then? Your brain goes looking for “the right answer” that fits the unconscious or unclear want. It asserts a feeling of control over the problem, by accepting a “best practice” you believe meets the moment.
That can be:
- laying blame on someone
- justifying things in terms of “how the world works”
- beating yourself up in shame
- and doing “what you have to do but don’t want to do” out of obligation
With all of these choices, you cope with the feelings, not the real want.
How do you stop coping, and start thriving? By doing these things:
- Developing your Intention to stop “getting by” and coping
- Choosing to look for a solution to the true problem facing you
- Learning how to grow your Awareness of competing wants
- Building your ability to Confront reality, to handle the stress and anxiety of the moment, so that you can look for the real path that leads to success and growth
You can do this. I can help.