You make very few all-or-nothing decisions, where everything is known and clear, and the choice is solely about value.
Most decisions are gray, with incomplete information and luck involved.
Yet, your decision making process is optimized for the black-and-white right-and-wrong type of decisions.
Coin Flip
You can drive defensively, never use your phone, and pay 100% attention to the task, and still end up in an accident.
You can (but hopefully do not) drive while intoxicated and tired and make it home safely.
Which of the two do you think will work out better in the long run?
Decisions don’t always yield the results you want. At the same time, making poor decisions increases the chances of getting what you don’t want.
When every decision only seems to have two sides, it can feel like a coin flip.
You feel pressure to make a decision into A or B. You feel pressure to “know” more than you do.
Making better decisions means being okay with “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.”
Making peace with uncertainty keeps you from falling into coping habits.
When your decision feels like “all or nothing,” you feel stressed if it goes “against you.”
When your decision is “60/40,” you have more space to accept that it didn’t work out as planned.
You let go of absolutes, and it frees you to respond, not react.
Improving Your Odds
When you’re making a decision, focus on identifying more than a yes/no or right/wrong option pair. You rarely have only one path; the second-best choice is by definition better than the third, fourth, and fifth choices.
When you have your options, put some kind of assessment on the likelihood you can make it come to pass. Stick to qualitative labels – likely, almost sure, long shot, etc. Putting it into numbers gives a false sense of certainty and control that won’t help.
Also, set a qualitative value for how much you prefer or dislike the outcomes. Using both together helps you see your options in better context.
You will find that you have more confidence in your choice, and that it’s easier to accept when it doesn’t go as well as you’d wanted.
You can do this. I can help.