Ever think about leaving the place you’ve been working?
End up singing The Clash in your head?
“Should I stay or should I go now?”
Sometimes you’ve left. Others, you’ve stayed.
It can be hard to know what you want to do.
There are benefits to knowing all the people, the products, the company.
And risks with not knowing any of that in a new job.
There are benefits to leaving all that behind, especially if it’s toxic.
And risks to starting out with no relationships or inside knowledge.
Ultimately, You Make A Choice
It can be easy to get stuck not deciding. You think about your choices, get uncomfortable, anxious, and push the choice away.
As the band Rush said, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
So how do you stop avoiding the decision-making moment?
Create space in your head for both sides of the coin.
Inside You Are Two Wants
Any time you’re feeling anxiety about a decision, it’s because you have competing wants.
On one side or the other, you can probably name a dominant reason to go with that choice.
On the other side, you probably come up with a lot of reasons, each one valid. And not quite enough to make the case, so you look for and add on more.
Here’s one way that can sound –
“I really want to leave this place. They don’t respect or value me at all. But it’s a bad time to look for a job, and I’m not sure there’s enough demand for left-handed glass blowers like me. Plus, I don’t want to have to change insurance and start over with new doctors. And what if the new job sucks too? I lose my seniority for nothing.”
One clear want – to be valued and treated with respect.
And a selection of wants and thoughts that all make sense. They might hint at a deeper want, or they might simply be valid points that let you not think about the deeper want.
Getting Unstuck
How can you get out of being stuck?
Keep avoiding a decision, and let fate decide for you.
Wait until the feeling on one side or the other feels a little bigger, and just “go for it.” That often leads to regrets and a large dose of second guessing.
Or you can sit with the emotion and anxiety, and look for what’s true about what you want and what you’re capable of.
Look for the other want – the thing your brain has been avoiding looking at head-on.
Maybe it’s that you fear you’re “not good enough” to succeed somewhere else. Imposter syndrome hits hard.
You may think you don’t really deserve better than what you have, so you sabotage your desire to go look for it.
You won’t know until you are able to face the anxiety and upset involved in looking for that answer – the thing you want enough to block the other want that you can name.
Ask yourself “What do I want so much that it’s keeping me from having the other thing?”
“What belief, assumption, or habit is blocking me from moving forward?”
“What could I let go of in order to have what I say I want?”
It’s not easy to do. It takes courage and determination.
You were born with the ability to do it, and have done it before. Practicing skills can help, and you still have to do the work.
You can do this. I can help.