Do you resist committing to change?
Instead of making specific goals, do you promise yourself you’ll “get better about going to the gym”? Or “speak up more in planning meetings”?
Vague intentions are safe. They leave up to question what actually meets the standard, and that standard is negotiable.
You can “meet” the standard when you want to, and beat yourself up for not meeting it, all with the same behavior. Just depending on what program you’re running in the moment.
Break the Resistance
How can you break this resistance to changing and growing?
First, set out your Intention for the change. State it clearly and specifically as something you want and desire, not as something you want to avoid or have “not happen.”
Probe any feelings of discomfort you have when stating your Intention. Look for the reasons behind the feelings. What belief, expectation, or program is pushing back?
This second step is hard. Your brain doesn’t want to look at “the bad things,” the uncomfortable things. You need strong Confront to keep looking past the first few
“answers.”
As an example, your Intention might be to “voice one genuine concern at the next planning meeting.” You want to speak because your team ignores the concern to its detriment, and facing it will lead to more success.
You feel anxious making this commitment. “Why would they listen to me?” you tell yourself. Why do you believe nobody would listen? What belief or program is driving that?
Your answer is “I’ve been ignored before, and it sucked.” So at some past moment, you tried something and it didn’t work out. Present-day you doesn’t want that to happen again, so it’s playing the program of how it felt the last time things went badly.
When you understand that the feeling is a result of a belief that the past outcome will always come true in the future creates space and freedom for you. Do you choose to let the past control your present?
Intention/counter-Intention
Seeing that program at work, and accepting that it’s true, is hard. Doing so without judging yourself and falling into Shame is harder. It’s also the key to change.
When you compare the desire to speak (your Intention) with the pressure to not speak (your counter-Intention), one will clearly win. If you let judgement of your counter-Intention hijack your thinking, you remain stuck wishing you’d changed but not doing so.
Practicing Confront is how you unlock the power of Intention in your life, and how you grow.
You can do this. I can help.