Ever have something you believe you want or need to do, but you don’t want to?
The thing(s) keeping you from doing it is trying to tell you important information. You lose that Information because you shame yourself for “not doing the thing.”
So how do you get un-stuck?
Confront
In a recent conversation, a client said “There are times when I know what I should do, and I just can’t do it. I know what the right thing to do is, I just get stuck.”
Framing that in terms of The Responsibility Process®, what they’re saying is that they have one clear Intention – “the right thing to do” or what they “should do.”
They lack Awareness of the counter-Intention that’s keeping them feeling “stuck.”
Without that counter-Intention, they wouldn’t be stuck. They would do “the right thing” and move forward. But unfortunately, there’s another want, another Intention that has enough power behind it to literally make them feel blocked, stuck in place.
That’s a time for Confront, for standing in the stuck and uncomfortable place and looking for what’s true, without shame or evaluation. Facing what’s really true, not what you wish things to be.
Steps to Un-stuck
The first step to being able to get consistently “un-stuck” is to commit to it. Own the value that resolving your stuck spots adds to your life. And value that above the anxiety and discomfort that looking into your habits, beliefs, and behaviors will bring as you master this skill.
Next, grow your Awareness of being stuck. What does it feel like? How do you distract or deflect from facing it? What words do you use towards yourself when you feel stuck? What’s your coping mechanism?
When you recognize you’re stuck, acknowledge it without judgement.
“I’m stuck. That’s natural, everyone gets stuck. I want to get stuck less, and stay stuck for shorter periods of time.”
Getting more comfortable with the feeling of being stuck makes the next step easier.
Lastly, you call up your Confront.
“I feel stuck. To get unstuck, I look for what I want that I’m not owning, not acknowledging or admitting to myself. What is that want, and why am I hiding it from myself?”
Freedom
Sometimes what you’re not owning is that you don’t want to experience an unpleasant conversation, or you might believe that trying to do the thing is beyond your skill and you’ll fail, or quite a few other possibilities.
The trick is that once you truly see that want clearly and compare both of them, the choice becomes simple.
You stay stuck when you’re not fairly and clearly considering the conflicting wants. If you treat one of those wants as “wrong” or “weak,” you’ll stay stuck because you’re not facing the belief that’s causing you pain.
This isn’t easy. It takes commitment, practice, and a willingness to give yourself grace. You are capable of so many big things, and you carry beliefs that limit your ability to show yourself the compassion you show to others.
Let that shit go and get unstuck.
You can do this. I can help.