Freedom of choice
Is what you got
Freedom from choice
Is what you want— Devo
- “I have to do this.”
- “I don’t really have any choice.”
- “I ought to do what they say, so I guess I will.”
- “There wasn’t any other option.”
- “We have to let you go.”
Heard (or said) any of those recently? And plenty of things like them?
That’s a lot of coping happening.
That’s the sound of externalizing ownership of actions. Something or someone is “making” your choice for you.
Always
You always have the power and freedom of choice.
You may not like the choices that you think you have, they still exist.
It’s hard to make a choice between perceived threat (to safety, standing, identity) and desired action. It can be hard to Confront that feeling of threat, because your brain feels those kinds of threats strongly.
So you feel the anxiety and discomfort, but don’t get a strong conscious view of what’s causing it.
That anxiety pushes you to look for an exit, towards coping. And towards taking the choice “out of your hands.”
Counter-Intention
This dynamic of coping and feeling like you have no choice comes because you’re stuck between two wants.
One part of you is clear – you want to do something. Say something, take an action, make a decision. You have an Intention, consciously.
The other part of you feels something, but isn’t clear. Often, it’s a feeling of fear, or dread, based on a belief that a certain type of action will turn out poorly. That’s a counter-Intention.
Your Intention and counter-Intention are why you feel stuck. And if you can’t see them clearly, you stay stuck until you escape by coping.
This is what the practice of Confront is all about. Facing what is true about a moment, and what is distorting your picture of what is true and what is possible.
Build your ability to be uncomfortable, to ask yourself questions about how you feel and what beliefs are competing for your attention.
It will turn into power and give you true freedom of choice.
You can do this. I can help.