So I didn’t have a plan. I did, as I stood there, start to get the seeds of what might, sometime, become a vague step generally in the direction of an intention. I may be stating that too strongly.
Steven Brust, Issola
How much of a plan do you have for your year? Month? Week? Day? Hour?
Do your plans feel wasted? Events and decisions that feel beyond your control disrupt your plans?
- “Our priorities have shifted.”
- “Shift your focus to this, it’s urgent.”
- “Don’t let that slip, but you need to fit this in.”
- “Why aren’t you working on ?”
Punches
There’s a quote from the boxer Mike Tyson, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
(That’s pretty violent, and I certainly hope that your business leaders aren’t actually hitting you.)
Those repeated disruptions to your plans add up. And anyone who’s been hit in the face naturally becomes defensive in an effort to avoid more.
One of the biggest defensive adaptations is moving to “I just won’t ask any questions, they have to tell me what to do and when to do it.”
It doesn’t stop the disruption and disorientation. It just tries to put ownership on what’s happening to you onto someone else, which leaves you feeling powerless and ineffective.
Powerless and ineffective is unlikely to ever bring you what you want.
Pressure
You know how jangly and frustrating it feels to have someone disrupt your plans and your picture of reality.
You ask questions, push back, and get dismissed with increasing force.
Do you think about what the person doing the disrupting feels?
You’re in this situation because someone is changing your reality. That person’s reality broke as well.
Their upset doesn’t justify dumping on you. However, recognizing it gives you a way to avoid the trap of Laying Blame on them. And Laying Blame robs you of your ability to respond, not react.
Probes
You want to understand what’s changing and why. The person you have to ask is likely reactive and not their most resourceful.
Knowing that, you can try to probe for more understanding of the change. And be curious about the change that is stressing them out.
Both paths will give you greater access to your power to respond, not react.
- “Wow, that’s unexpected. I’m trying to get my head around it, maybe you are too? What more can you share about the change?”
- “Once we’ve had a little time to accept the change, can we get together and talk about how to best move forward?”
- “Is there more context to this that you can share? It would help to talk through how you learned about this pivot, so that I’ve got the best picture to move forward.”
These probes still give your “bad news delivery agent” space if they’re not ready to talk about it, without demanding more of someone who’s still reactive.
And they give you time to think through your own reactions and response with support.
This creates a more Intentional outcome, despite your plan changing.
You can do this. I can help.