You’ve probably told yourself you did something “wrong” already this week. Perhaps even today.
It’s a word that gets used fairly often. Wrong is typically the opposite of “right,” sometimes the opposite of “correct” or “proper.”
It’s “just” a word, so why talk about it?
Meaning
All words carry meaning beyond their dictionary definitions.
“Wrong” carries moral overtones, it associates often with “bad.” Wrong holds invalidation, “less than.” It invites shame.
Those reactions and feelings are not helpful in correcting or adapting our behavior or understanding. Do you need to feel bad in order to accept that the choice you made or action you took did not achieve the goal you intended?
Do you need to feel bad in order to learn that the way you solved a problem didn’t produce the result you wanted?
Noticing “Wrong”
You can let go of “wrong” and replace it with other words and phrases that support learning without shame or invalidation. For yourself and towards others.
First, you have to raise your Awareness of using the word “wrong.” Both in your speech and writing, and inside your own head.
Commit to counting the number of times you think, hear, or write the word “wrong” in your thinking and communications, even if you realize it “after it got out.”
Do this for at least a week, preferably two.
Replacing “Wrong”
Once you have improved your Awareness, start trying to replace “wrong.”
What you use to replace “wrong” will depend on the circumstances. When you tell someone a time for a meeting, and that was the “wrong” time, you might say “That time was incorrect, it’s actually 2pm.”
When someone offers a solution that you know will not work, you could say “I have experience that shows me that won’t work, let me explain.”
“Wronging” yourself for a mistake in an important PowerPoint? “I didn’t catch that error, what can I change about my proofreading process?”
Separate the correcting from the judgement. Owning your errors and gaps and working to improve is hard enough without piling shame on top of the work.
Working to improve is hard work. Rather than feel judged for mistakes, replace that with recognizing and praising your work to be more skilled.
You can do this. I can help.