Needs
You have many things you express as needs – need to go to work, need to eat, need to go to this meeting.
Needs are about existence, “I must have this or I’ll die.”
You feel stressed by needs, because your brain and body believe you’re in danger.
Yet you regularly “need” things that are not critical to your survival.
Yielding Power
Sometimes, you say you “need” something because it avoids owning the choice to do the thing.
“I need to go to work” is a great example.
While few people are so insulated from financial events as to never require income, you have a choice about what you do for work and where you do that work.
Looking at that choice can feel overwhelming, especially now when unemployment in multiple sectors of the economy is high.
So “needing” to go to work is a way to acknowledge that you like having a roof over your head and food to eat. And to avoid thinking about your other options.
You’ve traded your freedom, choice, and power for a comforting sense of Obligation (“have to, don’t want to”).
Maybe it doesn’t feel like a big deal, and you could be right.
Wanting
You grow up having your wants managed, and sometimes invalidated.
It can be hard to own your wants. Sometimes that’s what leads you to express a want as a need, so you have “permission” to want it.
All of your wants are valid unless they take someone else’s freedom or choice.
“I want a raise.” “I’l love to tell my boss what a huge a-hole they are.” “I want to date that really attractive person.”
Those are wants, and you might not act on or get them. Accepting your wants, and expressing them as wants not needs, lowers the stress you feel.
And lowering that stress means you’re not carrying it and building up more and more of it. That’s giving yourself a golden gift of peace.
Turning Lead into Gold
How do you, like medieval alchemists, turn need into want, lead into gold?
Start with Awareness. Commit to listening for “need” and “want” for a week. Not just in your speech, also inside your head.
Do your best to accept the words without trying to correct or change them during the week. You’ll be surprised at what you end up with.
Once you have started raising your Awareness, set an Intention to turn your “needs” into “wants.” Express more “wants” for yourself, either out loud to others, or inside to yourself.
If you start saying or thinking “I want…” or “I’d like…” and stop yourself, finish the thought. You don’t have to act on the want. Acknowledge it, let it be a valid want. Then check in with yourself about what else you might want, and decide which to pursue.
When you “need” something, ask yourself about the “need.” Is it a critical component in your life? Does replacing “need” with “want” feel less stressful, more empowering?
Start with this. Practice for a month, and check in.
You’ll find yourself feeling less stressed, more peaceful, and more powerful.
That’s golden.
You can do this. I can help.