It’s Friday
You probably look forward to Friday.
It’s nice to look forward to being done with your work week.
Sometimes Friday can feel more like escaping.
Is your Friday feeling trying to tell you about Obligation?
Obligation
Capital-O Obligation is an overwhelming sense of “have to, don’t want to.”
It’s wanting to do something different, but thinking you’re not good enough to have what you want.
“I have to go to this stupid meeting.”
“I don’t want to keep doing the work of 3 people, but I have to.”
Obligation is being trapped by what you believe are external rules or circumstances and taking it out on yourself.
Obligation filters your thinking and effort into “just enough” to escape the demand of the moment.
It’s also the root of most procrastination – if you wanted to do it, you would. Obligation means you avoid dealing with it until you have to, at the last minute.
Beliefs and Boundaries
One of the biggest beliefs that Obligation creates for you is “I can’t.”
When you’re in the mental state of Obligation, you believe that you lack the power, ability, or choice to act differently. You’re stuck.
When you’re stuck believing you’re stuck, you miss places where you normally draw a healthy boundary.
Stuck you won’t put a boundary on taking on new work when you’re already overloaded.
Stuck you won’t push back on treating everything is priority one when “it all has to get done.”
You do “what you have to do.” You can’t look for alternatives, because you’re locked in to “have to.”
Start by Noticing
How do you get your Friday feeling back to a healthier place?
Learn to recognize Obligation, then replace it with choice.
Pay attention to when you say “have to.” Add other key phrases as you start to recognize them.
Notice what you feel when you’re saying “have to.” Practice looking for that feeling building, before you say the words.
When you become more aware of Obligation, ask yourself “What do I want that makes this a ‘have to’?”
Turn the focus onto that want, not the feeling of “have to.” Look for the belief connected to “have to.”
“I’m taking on extra work because I want to keep my job. I have to do the extra work or they’ll fire me.”
The want – “I want to keep my job.”
The belief – “I’ll get fired if I try to say no.”
Is that belief a real thing? You won’t know as long as Obligation keeps you believing in it.
Getting Friday Back
Replace the belief with a different one, the belief that everything you do is a choice.
“I choose to do extra work to maintain a low risk of losing my job.”
or
“I choose to question extra work, and based on that response, then I will choose my next action.”
Changing your motivation from “have to” to “choose to” moves you from fear to power.
You may still not love the choice you made. Not every situation has a “happy ending” choice.
You will still break free from the trap of “have to” by getting out of Obligation.
And without Obligation, Friday can be positive again, not an escape from pain.
You can do this. I can help.